BaltimoreTCF.com

David L. Murphy
2.1.93 -7.13.09

Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought of you yesterday, and the days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and some pictures in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part.
    God has you in his keeping;
       I have you forever in my heart.

May 3, 2010
Missing you! by Randy Murphy (father)

Empty Arms

Source: unknown

Source: Barbie and Tommy s mom

1996: The Shattering

SIRENS
Urgent, wailing, shrieking
Bad news for someone
Scream past the happy man
Filling up at the gas station
On his way home from work
To be ready for tomorrow
They stop in front of his house
Life is forever divided
Into Before and After.

Source: Elizabeth Bishai

Source: Frannie & Suzanne's Mom

The Cross

I was trying to keep my heart open to life. Afraid to be alone, I agreed to spend the day with Ruth and her daughter, Sarah, a young girl with CP and a tremendous amount of courage. We went to a camp in the country sponsored by Young Life.

The campers assembled in the barn for morning worship. They were ready to start their day with songs of Praise. I kept my darkest glasses on to hide the heartache I felt over the fact my children with special needs, Barbie and Tommy, could not be there. They had both met a special need in me, to love, to improve the quality of my life by making a difference in their lives. But they had both died unexpectedly within a week of each other. I was so lost, I had no footing.

Grief overwhelming, I turned to flee the joyful sounds of children still living. Crying out to God to please deliver me from this unceasing sorrow. I walked, sobbing uncontrollably, following a single lane which wound its way past the cornfields and into the woods. I wondered how far I would have to go to get away from the pain I carried within me. My head was so heavy I could not lift it, but I could feel the coolness of the trees, and I could see the shading on the road at my feet.

I needed a place to rest in my weariness and thought at least I might find a log to sit on. But to find a log I would have to leave the road. Certainly there must be a trail into the woods, I thought, as I veered off to the right, brushing branches away from my face. There WAS a path, not well traveled, but with enough hope for me to follow it deeper into the woods. I came upon a bench, not just a log, but a bench which I reached with relief, covering my face with my hands to catch the tears.

Guided unaware, I looked up to see that I was sitting in a clearing, facing a large wooden Cross, planted firm among the trees. God's arms outstretched. "Lay your burdens down, Lay your burdens down." I lay my whole body down, with MY arms outstretched, to feel the whole earth beneath me. And to feel the full warmth of God's Love in the light of the sun that shone down from the Cross rising above me. I cried until I could cry no more. I lay there until I could take in the life breath of God whispering through the trees. I lay there in the stillness of my exhaustion until I could feel His presence.

Thank you God for leading me through my desperation to a place of healing. It is a spiritual experience I must revisit from time to time in this grief overwhelming.

Source: Carol Bozman, July 2004